BREAKING NEWS: I am very sad right now. Not only did I just ruin my soup by diluting it to its current taste of seven-day-old socks, but it is also no longer hot and my hands are freezing. WHY IS IT SO COLD? AUSTRALIA, THIS IS NOT MEANT TO HAPPEN. SURE, I LOVE WINTER BUT ONLY WHEN IT SNOWS AND THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS WE LIVE ON THE COAST ISN’T THE SEA MEANT TO HAVE A MODERATING INFLUENCE? coldddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd. I SWEAR THE RIVER OUTSIDE IS FROZEN. IT BETTER BE SNOWING SOMEWHERE.
Anyway, moving on. While my driving leaves much to be desired, my parents seem to trust me enough to let me drive around their new cars. Which is why, this morning, I experienced the trippy role reversal of dropping my mum off to the station. That was interesting. I also forgot to indicate right outside the police station. I don’t think they noticed. Please don’t tell them.
As I may have very mildly implied (don’t worry if you missed it, I’m renowned for my subtlety) in my news flash above, IT’S BLOODY FREEZING. At this stage, having sat down to write this, it’s not just my toes that are about to snap off. Why is my back so cold? and my nose. and… is that… my breath fogging up? AT HOME? IN AUSTRALIA? Something is very very wrong.
So anyway, it’s cold. Don’t believe yahoo weather’s lies, it’s not 11 degrees. fahrenheit, maybe.
I’m pretty sure the street looks like this.
Finally, may I present to you the Confucianist stylings of my grandma. So last night, as has become a routine for the past few Saturdays (yeah, my Saturday nights get preeeetty rowdy), we went and had a nice dinner with my grandparents. So while she’s normally in some state of age-induced torpor, last night she was unexpectedly and delightfully lucid; so without any further ado, may I present to you choice quote #1 from my grandma:
“You have to join more parties. Then you will have the girls.”
Yes, I spent an hour last night discussing my love life with my grandma.
And she has a treasure trove of experience. Apparently, when she was at uni, boys would come and leave cakes for her and her friends at their dormitory door. It doesn’t get much more romantic than that. My grandma and her band of oriental seductresses had other plans though.
Their motto: Take the cake, break the heart.
But the keen advice doesn’t stop there!
“So, Hor-Hor, which university should I go to: Sydney or New South?”
“You go UNSW.”
“Oh. But actually, I liked Sydney more. The courses really suit me.”
“No, UNSW bigger. Have better girls. You go there.”
Choice quote #2:
“If she’s not pretty, I don’t talk to you.”
Finally, the night deteriorated into rating my asian Facebook friends, which produced this pearler:
“Koreans are dumb. Like a dumb hobo.”
And when I showed her my pictures:
“This is a man.”
Oh Hor-Hor, you’re the best.